I don’t know when it began, and before digital photography you weren’t even sure it happened until the photos were developed. There were hints that it might have taken place, like the slight touch on the back of your head, a hand being removed from your shoulder, or the eagerness of a family member to have their picture taken with you when typically they shied away from the camera. Bunny ears, rabbit ears, whatever you want to call them, are a chronic virus in my family. Sometimes the virus is active in almost everyone, and sometimes so dormant that everyone is on edge wondering in whom it will surface next. I think I became aware of them when I was five or six years old. I was fascinated by my aunts, uncles, parents, and grandparents taking part in this seemingly “funny” act whenever a camera came out, and equally fascinated when one or more adult became aggravated at the “childish behavior” that would apparently “ruin” the photo… “Why can’t we just have ONE nice picture?”

As I grew older, and taller (you can’t participate unless you can reach above the head of the person beside you), it became evident to me that this…game?…was more of a sport, a game of stealth and cunning, if you will. As kids (see picture above), we saw every single photo as an opportunity to participate in this ‘tradition’. Just like a young toddler who has just learned to walk and then run, wants to run everywhere, all day…we tried to leave our own mark on every single picture. Little by little we learned some finesse and timing, but I don’t think I will ever be as good as my uncles.

As ‘frustrating’ as this ‘game’ has been at times I’ve learned something from going through hundreds of pictures- this is a kind of tradition. Two fingers sticking up above someone’s head seems to be an expression of affection and love. Yes, a little odd, but that’s what I see in every picture.

I know my family is far from the only one that does this, but it still feels unique, as any tradition does. What traditions, sweet or annoying, are a part of your family?

I woke up. It was dark, and I blinked my eyes as my parched mouth and throat made themselves known. I was so thirsty. Only one thing could quench this overwhelming feeling so I called out for my mom. “Mom!”….louder “Mooom!” I waited a few seconds, the back of my mouth threatening to dry up and crumble. Mom opened the door and asked what the matter was, “I’m thirsty”. She left and came back about thirty seconds later. My mouth began to water as I reached out for the only thing in this world that would end my torture. I took a drink, then cringed, wrinkling my nose and pursing my lips. With tears in my eyes, I told my mom, “I’m not thirsty for water…” especially not lukewarm and from the bathroom sink. I felt like I had wandered into a bad dream. How could my mother, giver of life, comforter of boo-boos, provide me with this paltry excuse for liquid? “…I’m thirsty for pop.” That cold, sweet, bubbly invention was what my mouth was calling for. My mother told me I wasn’t getting pop, that we didn’t even have any, and if I was thirsty then water was all I was getting.

Parents must interpret their children’s wants and needs, while keeping in mind what is best and healthy. Certainly my mother did the right thing by giving me water when I was thirsty, regardless of my plea for something else, but that memory sticks in my mind. I’m grateful for the interpretations my mom has made of my wants and needs during my childhood. Thanks, Mom. Love, Jessica.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve preferred to work things out for myself. What child doesn’t? Very few, from my experience. “I want to do it!” is a statement continuously heard by parents and caregivers. That is, until the activity becomes routine and obviously monotonous. Problem solving is a skill necessary to achieve success in life. It is a skill that runs the gamut from stacking blocks and climbing trees to developing relationships and communicating with others.

Young children are a lot like scientists, exploring objects and spaces around them. They manipulate their environment and develop an understanding of the physical properties of that environment as well as their own physical abilities. It is important to allow children to try things out for themselves, within reason. Reasonable risk is a topic every parent should explore, and there is no one right answer. Adults want to protect children from harm and hurt, but if we protect them too much, what are they really learning?

What are your thoughts?

Spring is upon us here in the desert southwest, well, let’s call it a summer preview (It’s getting close to triple digits). The sun is shining, plants blooming, and several people I know are already complaining of the heat. I am not judging anyone for their intolerance to temperature changes, but I do find myself a bit startled when I hear a parent or caregiver of young children giving reasons why they can’t go outside to play. Yes, safety measures must be put in place, but just a little effort can afford children valuable time exploring and learning while outdoors.

Let’s explore some basic outdoor safety for children and adults. The sun and heat it provides can be dangerous. Make sure there are shaded areas that adults and children can access. If there are no provided areas of shade, take an umbrella with you. Make sure skin is protected from the sun. Hats, appropriate clothing and sunscreen should be considered carefully. When protecting children ask the pediatrician what they recommend, as well as following these guidelines for children and infants. When temperatures are very high, you can spend time outdoors in small increments of 5-15 minutes, and during the early morning hours. Drinking water is a must. Even if you are staying in your own yard, fill a non-breakable cup or bottle with water. It doesn’t even have to be cold, cool is fine. It is easier to stay hydrated, and children are more likely to drink water, when it is within easy reach. Before giving an infant water, first check with your pediatrician. Infants generally receive enough hydration from breast milk and formula. Finally, scan the outdoor space for hazards. Look for spider webs, ant, bee or other insect colonies nearby, broken objects that are easily accessible for the child, and water deeper than 2″ (buckets, holes, etc). Even if you are supervising your child, which you should be, it is smart to reduce the potential for accidents and injury by clearing away any hazards.

Depending on the setting you may or may not provide toys for your child to play with (by the way, YOU are their most favorite thing to play with). Your child may just enjoy exploring the physical space around them. If you don’t have a yard or park nearby you may choose to take walks with your child. Even in urban settings there are valuable things to see and learn about.

As a very young child I remember picking blades of grass and small wild flowers…weeds probably, and feeling them in my hands. I remember the smell of grass, tree bark, pine needles, and mud as I explored yards, parks and outdoor spaces. I remember playing hide and seek, making ‘houses’ out of twigs and leaves for our Lego cars, the rough bark on my hands and knees as I climbed another tree, making up games with pebbles in the driveway of a friend’s house, and watching the wind blow a paper bag down the sidewalk.

I’ve got so many ideas for outdoor experiences, from my own childhood and from my time as a professional in the early childhood field, that I would love to share, but then this blog would become a book. If you are looking for ideas, please let me know. Urban, suburban or rural, lush or dry, if you’ve got a question I’d love to hear it. If you have a suggestion to share with parents or caregivers, please post.

Holding the basket in my four year old hand, gripping the twisted straw handle, I saw it. At the base of a tree, set in the crook of the roots, a yellow-dyed egg peaked out. Only a few feet away, I started forward at full speed, running in my white patent leather shoes. As I came to a quick stop in front of the egg, little hand reaching, the egg is snatched away by another hand. A bigger boy shoves the egg in to the cellophane grass lining his basket, already full of eggs. My mouth hangs open and I gasp before crying out, “Hey, I saw it first! That’s mine!” He turns, beginning to run and proclaims, “No, I saw it first!” I look around. The magical veil of the moment lifted. The front lawn at the country club is littered with children carrying baskets. Realizing that my window of opportunity is closing, I swallow my upset and move with determination and a little fear. I look around me, so quickly that I don’t see any eggs. Then I look again- there’s another egg. A bright pink egg tucked into the dried pine needles at the base of a young tree. I take only a step before it’s gone. The basic components of this same scene replay a few more times before I run crying to my mom, nose running. My basket is so light and keeps scratching my leg. I don’t quite remember what happens next. I believe my older brother is ‘compelled’ to ‘share’ some of his eggs with me (three eggs, two of which are completely cracked), but there’s no substitute for finding my own. The build up of the past two weeks (the Easter Bunny is coming, ‘Here Comes Peter Cottontail’) has fallen flat in less than ten minutes. Later, at home, my parents hide eggs for us. Some of my happiness is restored as we take turns hiding and finding eggs throughout the afternoon.

Disappointment happens, and should happen in childhood. If we are fortunate, we have several opportunities that allow us to experience disappointments within the safety and comfort of a trusted, loving relationship with a parent or caregiver. When children have a strong, healthy relationship with a parent or caregiver, they are able to better deal with disappointments. This doesn’t mean the child will happily accept a difficult circumstance and move on instantly. No, crying and tantrums may still happen, but what that strong relationship will do is help the child build healthy coping skills so that they are better able to deal with disappointments later in life in healthy and reasonable ways.

When children are shielded, protected, or not allowed to experience disappointments they may develop unhealthy and unsustainable ways of coping. It’s OK for children to cry when they are upset or frustrated. Crying is a natural and acceptable response. Is it uncomfortable for us? Yes, but that’s OK, too. How have you learned to cope with difficult circumstances?

Here is a great resource for parents and caregivers to learn more about building strong and healthy relationships with young children: Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning. Resources and training modules are available to download for free.

Yesterday, as I walked the dogs, the wind blew and a delicate sweet smell surrounded me. Instantly I was five years old, walking toward our tree house, smelling the honeysuckle perfume in the air. Not realizing I had shut my eyes until I reopened them, I scanned the yards in front of me for the cause of the smell. I was actually looking for honeysuckle, as there is a beautiful desert honeysuckle that grows here. What I found instead was the cactus pictured above. It’s called an Argentine Giant Cactus, and it is huge. The picture doesn’t give you enough of a visual, but the arm pictured was more than six feet long. I stepped up to the flowers (7″ in diameter), crouched down and drew in a deep breath. The smell was heavenly, and again, I was transported to my five year old self. The only difference (besides decades) was that I did not pick these flowers and suck on them, as I would have years ago.

On Monday this week, I was leaving a large store, the lobby had been recently cleaned. As I walked through, I was transported to our neighbor’s house in Kansas. I was nine at the time and the smell of their home was that of some kind of cleaning product and last night’s dinner. It always smelled the same. This week was the first time I had ever experienced anything close to the smell of their home. In fact, I don’t think I ever thought about it until this week when it caught me off guard. My younger brother and I often played at our neighbor’s home, the 2 children close in age with us.  That is, we played there often until my younger brother decided to give his friend, another little boy and himself a hair cut…after that, play times were less frequent and more supervised. The whole of that story is better saved for another time.

Both of my experiences this week were exciting and comforting, reminding me of those happy times. Have you had any ‘blasts from the past’ recently?

Growing up we listened to a lot of music at home and on car trips, mostly country, 50’s, and 60’s music. My brothers and I would sing along to the parts that we knew, mom and dad sometimes joining in. My younger brother was the funniest to listen to, though. He would catch on to the very end of the last word in a line and draw it out in his little toddler voice, I just smile and say “ssaaaaay…”, Kiss an angel good morning “niiiiiinnn”, …when you get back home “oooome…” (Charlie Pride’s ‘Kiss An Angel Good Morning’). He would usually close his eyes, squeezing the lids together just slightly, and lift his face a little toward the ceiling as he let loose his voice in accompaniment. A few years later Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ came out and, as you can see in the pictures above, my brother’s musical tastes evolved (mine and my older brother’s did too, but there are no gems in the photo album like these).

Music can be magic to children. Whether it is instrumental, the oldies, or more current music, observe what makes your child move or sing. What kind of music gives your child energy or relaxes them? Find music that has language your child’s school would approve of and play it at different times throughout the day, at a low level. When does your child seem to be most connected to the music? Does your child just seem to be distracted or unhappy? Pay attention to your child’s cues.

Make sure to have several long moments during the day when no music is played. It is important for children (and adults) to experience quiet times when you can hear the clock ticking, birds singing, or wind blowing outside. During these times, if your child indicates they want music, create it yourselves. Sing a favorite song or make music with instruments, homemade instruments are my favorite.

The volume level, whether on the television, radio or other audio equipment, should always be kept at a low level. Hearing loss can inadvertently be caused by playing music too loud for a young child, and head phones should never be used for young children before checking with your pediatrician first. Noise-canceling headphones are a great idea when you are visiting a fireworks display or other events such as a live sport or with a live band.

Over the years I have seen several families in which the child or children enjoy similar music as the parents. This can be a connection that is enjoyed for years. What is your favorite type of music?

The time a child spends with a parent or caregiver reading stories or just looking at books is valuable in several ways. Being physically close benefits children by making them feel valued and fostering a strong relationship. The act of focusing on a shared experience also fosters connection between child and adult. The language and conversation that is shared supports learning and increased language skills for the child. Don’t be afraid to use ‘big words’. When children are allowed to interact, by pointing to pictures or being asked questions by the adult, a feeling of acceptance and importance begins to develop.

In the photo above, my dad and older brother are exploring what looks like a magazine (likely a hunting magazine). Does it matter that it’s not a storybook, appropriate for a three year old? Not really. As long as the content and pictures are not too graphic or violent. And, if you’re thinking that a hunting magazine might have been a bad choice…think again. Where we grew up, and how my dad grew up, hunting and fishing were a part of our life. Anything my dad and granddaddy hunted and subsequently brought home ended up on the table for dinner. So, a hunting magazine would have been a normal item of reading material in our home (a cultural norm).

A few days ago, my four year old niece and her parents came for a visit. While we were out I watched her point to words on a plaque and then gesture for her mom to join her. Her mom crouched beside her and pointed to the words, reading each one. My niece then did the same. Later that day, I observed her do the same thing with her dad. What I noticed is that she felt comfortable practicing reading on her own and just as comfortable asking her parents to help her. I believe these beautiful interactions are strongly connected to and likely a result of their frequent story time sessions that began at infancy.

It’s not all about reading and language literacy, though. Relationships and building emotional literacy, I believe, are the keys to success in life- whatever that may mean to you. Reading to children is just one (a big one) important act toward helping develop strong relationships. So, sit back, grab a book and start connecting!

For more information on social-emotional development (aka: relationships and emotional literacy), check out the Center on the Social and Emotional  Foundations for Early Learning. The site has resources for parents and educators, and is a wealth of knowledge. If you want help navigating it, just let me know!

I opened the worn purse my mom had given me and slid in two books. The zipper wouldn’t close because one of the books, actually a toy catalog, was too big. I stuffed in a small doll and blanket, slung the straps over my shoulder and set out to find a place to enjoy my treasures. The tree house was occupied and I wandered a bit, finally choosing the wood stack along side our carport. I climbed up the logs, feeling the rough bark on my hands and knees. Somehow my shoe slipped off, but that didn’t matter. I had my own sunny space to enjoy my books.

Certainly, sitting is not required to enjoy a book or story, but it does help one become more comfortable and relaxed. When the body is relaxed, the mind is more free to imagine and books are a great way to open up the imagination. Some children, and adults, prefer to enjoy a book alone and will seek out a private space. Others would rather enjoy a story with someone, or just being near others. In what setting do you enjoy reading?

If you happen to find a child enjoying a book alone or with a friend, take a moment to observe the setting. Notice how the child is engaged (reading out loud, making up new stories, or totally engrossed). You will see clues in how to support them in their future learning and also in their enjoyment of books.

To find more information about the connection between early literacy and how it supports success in high school and beyond, check out some of these links and articles: High School Literacy, Adolescent Literacy, Early Literacy.

It really doesn’t matter where it happens, reading is good.

My brother, Jeff, is just a few years older than me, but old enough to show me the ways of the world. He used to share his toys, play with me, and read to me (as seen above). We had several books available to us in our home, some we had received as gifts from family and friends. One such book, “Best Loved Fairy Tales” published by Parents’ Magazine in 1974 was given to us by our Aunt Jan. She even wrote, “To Jeff and Jessica From Aunt Jan” on the inside cover. I loved that book and remember reading the collection of stories throughout my childhood. It was my introduction to Brer Rabbit, Rumpelstiltskin, and giants. At some point Jeff became a bit territorial and scribbled over my name in pencil, in OUR book.

I don’t recall noticing the markings as a child, but as I pulled it from my shelf recently, I chuckled. Loving books and stories as I do, I can’t help but understand the feeling of ownership that one gets with a favorite.

It is normal for siblings to feel territorial about shared possessions. In fact, sharing doesn’t make sense in a child’s mind until about the age of 5 or 6. Children begin to understand the concept of sharing in preschool, but that doesn’t mean they are capable of it. What young children can truly understand is taking turns, because the item eventually will come back to them. Parents can model this for children and use language to support it like, “May I have a turn?” and “It’s your turn again.” Building relationships is a great way to help children become more comfortable with taking turns and sharing. Expecting a child to ‘share’ with someone they’ve just met is almost unfair, and possibly setting the child up to not be successful.

Luckily, stories are easy to share. Story time can take place at home, school, the library, or anywhere really. What were your favorite stories growing up?