My husband and I recently traveled to Illinois and Wisconsin to visit family and friends. Several people questioned our timing, as winter seemed an odd time to travel. Snow was abundant and the temperatures ranged from 40 to 3 above zero. The areas we visited were beautiful and we are both glad to have made the trip. However, there were a few hours prior to our flight home that I wondered if our trip would be involuntarily extended due to the weather conditions. I am typically a ‘rules and schedules’ type of person, but since meeting my husband I’ve become much more flexible, especially during travel. So, those few hours of wondering whether our flight would be further delayed or canceled took my emotions from concern, for our pets at home and imposing upon our friends for another night or two, to confident and relaxed, knowing that we had packed extra clothes and that no appointments or work commitments were scheduled until the following week.

I look back at my travel experiences for the past 10 years and can identify the ones where the potential for upset was greatest: Grand Cayman- delayed luggage (I didn’t handle it extremely well and was worried it would be lost), rainy weather (I actually enjoyed it, even during scuba diving). Miami- Hurricane season (ended up being downgraded, and when you’re with one of your best girlfriends who is calm and almost excited about the prospect of a ‘hurricane party’, worry seems to just melt away and become adventure). Los Angeles- Vehicle breakdown (friends and a calm husband as travel companions make all the difference). In all of these circumstances everything worked out fine in the end, and we can laugh about each experience.

Looking back to my childhood, I can identify THE travel experience that had the most significant impact on me. It’s the one that I can measure all others to. I think I was maybe 6 or 7, and we had driven from Louisiana to Nebraska for the Christmas holiday. My parents had borrowed a friend’s full sized van for the two day trip and my brothers and I were so excited to have our own seats-ah, luxury. The holidays were a blast and the snow was fun. It was super cold that winter, the wind chill was recorded at -99, that’s 99 degrees below zero…yes, you read that right. It was only 1 degree off the record. When we left to go home we had to follow a snow plow out to the highway. A blizzard was on the way and we wanted to beat the worst of it. At one point my dad was driving equal distances between the tops of the fence posts, just barely visible sticking out of the snow, because we couldn’t see the road.  I’m not sure how far we got after leaving the ranch, but it was far enough that we couldn’t turn back safely. The blizzard got worse and luckily we ended up following another snow plow into a tiny town with maybe a few hundred residents. We stopped at a gas station to inquire about lodging and the attendant said it was lucky that we got there when we did because the snow plows had just been called off due to the blizzard. The station attendant pointed across the road to a tiny motel, and gave us a can of corn, a can of Vienna sausages, a can of fruit cocktail, a can opener, crackers, a pouch of instant coffee and a camp stove to heat it with. The room at the motel had one full sized bed, patches on the sheets and snow coming in through the cracks around the door and windows. We used tissues to stuff in the cracks, stopping often to blow on our frozen fingers. I remember being cold and cranky and my parents trying to distract us for a time. In the morning my dad couldn’t open the door. We were snowed in and it took a few hours to be dug out. It was eery to hear the tools and shovels scooping and scraping away the snow from the building. After we were dug out, we began the slow journey home. The ordeal was significant because of the unknown. I didn’t fully understand what was happening and even though my parents understood the circumstances, they didn’t fully know what to expect either. What was helpful was that I had my parents and brothers to go through it with and process it afterward. Years later, we still talked about it and as I matured through childhood, adolescence and young adulthood, I continued to process that experience in different ways.

Children often feel the need to revisit significant events in their lives several times, especially with a trusted adult or caregiver. The revisiting helps them develop understanding on different levels. Think of the child whose pet has died and brings it up over and over again, even years later. They are simply trying to understand it and connect emotions in their ever maturing self. When an adult listens and discusses it with the child each time, the child feels connected and secure. When an adult dismisses the child (“You were two. You don’t even remember Fluffy.), the child receives the message that these connections to experiences and emotions aren’t important.

Think of those experiences you’ve had as a child and still think about years later. How did you feel about it? Did you have a parent or trusted adult to revisit it with? The experiences may be pleasant or unpleasant, but significant all the same.