Many things in this world are smooth. Some tangible, others not, but in my mind nothing will ever be as smooth as teeth freshly released from the prison of braces.

At eight years old, the first set of braces were firmly cemented into my mouth. Two years later, and newly moved from Kansas to Colorado, I was granted parole for a couple of years. The pain of braces: frequent aching and throbbing only alleviated by biting down on the handle of a toothbrush, raw and stinging insides of lips and cheeks that no amount of wax could ever protect fully, gum, candy and anything worth eating withheld, and the constant teasing from kids and adults (metal mouth, brace face, franken-teeth) all made the sentence more than unpleasant. The smiling me above was on my birthday, and therefore with cake, I was obliged to smile because cake was worth it.

The new orthodontist who removed my shackles, I mean braces, did so quickly and unceremoniously. After the cement was ground off and the teeth polished he directed, “Ok, feel around with your tongue to make sure I got it all off.” I was shocked. Nothing had ever felt so glorious, so divine, so smooth! It was difficult to answer him because I was lost in reverie, bubble gum and corn on the cob dancing through my head. The good doctor even put my braces, still wired together, into a small paper envelope for me to keep. My tongue couldn’t get enough. All the way home I don’t think I said even two words, and when we arrived I proudly smiled for my family. The paper envelope went into the bathroom drawer and I proceeded to enjoy dinner as I had never done before.

The next few days I felt odd, and couldn’t put my finger on it. Physically, I felt fine and had plenty of energy, but there was a feeling of melancholy. One evening I couldn’t sleep. I went to the bathroom to get a glass of water. I looked in the mirror and stared at the smooth teeth in my mouth. I didn’t recognize myself and became sad. I remembered the paper envelope in the drawer and pulled it out. Carefully, I opened the flap and tipped out the braces into my palm. They were shiny and rough and looked so small. I held them up and pressed them to my teeth, while looking in the mirror. Then my eyes filled with tears and I cried. I missed the braces. I didn’t feel special anymore. Nothing set me apart. I was sad.

Knowing what I know now about human and child development, I was experiencing a sense of loss. I didn’t enjoy the braces, but they had become part of my identity and when taken away, part of me was taken away too. This is a normal part of development for children.

Some children may act out in anger or sadness such as biting, property destruction, or fighting when they experience loss. Loss comes in many forms such as significant losses like the death of a loved one or moving to a new home, or less realized losses such as a change to their daily routine or transitioning from a bottle to a sippy cup. Understanding that your child may be experiencing a loss, even if you feel it is insignificant, is the first step in supporting them through it. Your child needs to know that you are there to help them navigate their feelings. Start by identifying their feelings for them, “You seem upset and are telling me by throwing the toys.”, and help them learn to express their feelings in different ways such as stomping their feet, using a special pillow to squeeze and by using words that you model for them. It is also important to know that a child experiencing loss may not express themselves right away, but instead may express their upset several days or weeks later.

After a two year parole the second part of my sentence was enforced. As I emerged from another orthodontist’s office, fully shackled top to bottom I knew that at my next release I would not experience the same feeling of sadness and loss. As a 13 year old, I had developed a new understanding of my identity and having an orthodontic ‘rap sheet’ was not my idea of cool. Ironically, I did receive a decreased sentence for good behavior and three years later, my release date was a thing to celebrate. I was given a monitoring device, I mean retainer, and sent on my way.

Now, just over 20 years free, I am glad to have had that experience. What are some experiences you’ve had that have stuck with you?